Our father is existing rather than living, hardly communicating and showing care.
Our mother cares too much about our father to truly care about us.

That's why I had difficulties in relationships with men, and rejections and loss of contact from women.

And it's all my fault, always my fault, always my responsibility to change my mind, ignore my negative feelings and submit to other's demands because they are well people, because they don't mean to hurt you (yet they do).

I cut contacts with best friends whom I now consider enemies - I feel they vacuumed my life energy for their own sake over the years.
One who was very socially awkward, now has a girlfriend of 4 months, way more than I ever managed. And I know why I envy him. Because he didn't treat me well over the years. You never envy those you love, so I must really hate him.
I have issues recognizing things that anger me, so I hardly react on those events.
I'll say it openly - I really feel like murdering them.
Yet it's all my fault, so I can't do that.