As a depressed person I tend to feel in a lose-lose situation - Make friends, deny your own bad feelings yet accept other's bad feelings when they treat you badly.
I cut ropes with the best friends. My self-esteem is safe but the bonding and fun shared together created overtime has been to waste, the fun we had is done, because they hurt me so much, yet I didn't put boundaries, because I wanted a friendship with freedom to express yourself. Yet I was the price.

People prefer to have fun with someone who lowers their self-esteem overtime rather than hang out with someone who is less fun but won't harm them. And if I break that stupid cycle, it's all my fault.