With how involved you are with the children (picking them up 4 days a week and every other weekend,) I'm wondering how she managed their care during the 9 months you were away on deployment.

I'm sorry for how hurtful this feels to you. You seem to be trying to cooperate with her and putting yourself at her disposal regarding caring for the two children.

Any attempt to engage her in discussion seems to go absolutely nowhere, except for her to exude ill-will. So it might be best to offer her nothing to react to. For a woman who supposedly spent years under the thumb of a domineering, controlling husband, she sure seems to have no trouble finding her way into the driver's seat now. This whole business of her not wanting to be "docile," sounds suspiciously like a cover for her not wanting any constraints whatsoever.

Cherish your children. I have a feeling they are going to really need you very much going forward. Where do you bring them when you have them? Do you have an apartment/home where they can settle in?

You are wise to mentally prepare yourself for the marriage ending. She does not seem to want a reconciliation. I wouldn't assume her motives are what she claims . . . that it's all about you being insufferably overbearing.