Long but please read, if you won't read the whole thing read Some of it and tell me if it sounds like OCD. Its been years and driving me insane. I'm 15, this started around age 11-12.

Okay so. Over the years, my fear of taking showers/baths have increased. I try to avoid them as much as possible. It's not that I'm not clean. Thats the thing that is driving me insane. I HATE being dirty. I can't STAND it. But the thing is, I CANT DEAL WITH THE FEELING OF HAVING WATER ON MY SKIN.

It feels horrible. Having the ACTUAL shower/bath is amazing, I love it. Gives me some time to think alone. But, It's the getting IN and OUT part that is extremely difficult for me. Getting in, the fact that I'm completely dry then all of a sudden wet, that feels extremely uncomfortable, I can't deal with that. Which is why I try to get my whole body wet as fast as possible.

That is why when I accidentally spill something on me, I freak out and feel like I'm dying. I can't stand the feeling of "unevenness" of wetness on me. For example going to the pool, the worst part getting in and out of the pool.

It's the GETTING wet part that drives me crazy. Once I'm soaked, I feel great.

Then again, there's the getting OUT. That's probably even worse then getting IN because it's even more uncomfortable. The feeling of air against my wet skin or if I was in the pool, my clothes. The worst feeling in the world.

I also hate sweating. Extremely uncomfortable. I love being active but sweating is the reason I can't do things. Drives me insane because I hate not being DRY. I have to change clothes immediately. I've realized that's why I can't do Taekwondo anymore! (sweating!) This is why I stopped volunteering with kids who have disabilities (it involves swimming!!!)

It's been years. And it's difficult. I feel trapped. The plates I eat on have to be completely dry because it feels so wrong if it isn't and my eating utensils honestly have to completely dry or I can't eat from it. Everything just has to be dry! Even oily foods! Or oily skin! It makes me freak out because its such a weird feeling that I hate!

Drinking water from a glass means the glass has to be completely dry on the outside or feels so weird, I don't like the feeling of water on my lips. I have to just drink from a straw or a dry cup.

Also I HATE the fact that my hair gets wet because that means that when you finish your shower, your hair is not completely dry and it hangs back and that means the back of my shirt gets wet and that makes me want to die because I can't deal with the back of my shirt being wet!!
So the past 3-4 years I've been putting my hair up in a towel for HOURS until its COMPLETELY dry. But because I don't brush my hair until hours after my shower its always in knots! Also I usually take extremely long showers because once I'm in, I'm afraid to get out because of the uncomfortable feelings!

Also, I hate changing after taking a shower, it takes me forever because I hate putting on clothes when I'm not completely dry! It drives me insane which is why it takes me half an hour to get out of the bathroom AFTER I finished my shower because I can't put any clothes on!

So, because I thought my main struggle with bathing were with my hair, I got a haircut. I was so wrong. I still hate water!! So frigging much and now yes my hair is shorter and it doesn't make my shirt wet, but now it is more apparent that putting my glasses on while my hair and the back of my ears are still kinda wet are extremely uncomfortable!

So then I realized that I put my full faith in cutting my hair short. I thought it would fix my problems. Now, I miss my long hair, but I would never go back because just THINKING of long hair makes me freak out. So, because cutting my hair didn't work. I feel stuck.

For years I've thought that I've been a disgusting person who is unsanitary and I've felt like I'm gross which is why for years I've avoided like touchy kinda contact with people. And if it's necessary, I try to cut it short as possible.

It's come to a point where I'm almost afraid to brush my teeth! The feeling of holding something in your mouth? (Foamy, wet, toothpaste)
The minty clean feeling that comes afterwards is amazing, but it feels horrific going through it.

I've felt disgusting for years. Every time I see people making close contact like hugs or even just leaning against each other I keep thinking that I'll never be able to do that.

Also the past couple weeks I've developed skin picking. At my scalp. My head is ALWAYS bleeding. Blood is always under my nails. I can't stop, my mom is trying to make me stop but I can't. I just start picking at my hand until I bleed if my mom is watching me to make sure I don't pick at my scalp.

I know I said it started age 11-12 for the bathing, but I actually had problems with greasy things like vaseline and lotion since I was a kid.

My mom is constantly bugging me and I feel horrible about it I just want to be NORMAL! I want to be clean. I have never talked about this because I feel like I am gross and disgusting but honestly it is driving me CRAZY.

My mom thinks I'm just not listening to her and I feel bad. I want to show her that I'm not trying to disobey her on purpose.