Thank you so much everyone for your hugs and replies!

I will be continuing the whole "diagnoses" conversation with my T next session because like I said, we ran out of time. One of the reasons I want to know is so I can set realistic expectations for myself and not beat myself up over things as much. The other reason is that if I do have BPD then that means medication won't have as much of a benefit as it would if I had actual biological depression and I should focus my energy on therapy instead. That's my reasoning anyway.

As far as the Pdoc situation goes, it is pretty hard to get into see one in the first place. Most of them have at least a 3-6month waiting list where I am and I really just can't be bothered. I did sign a form giving my T and Pdoc permission to talk about me to one another but I don't think that has happened so I will follow up on that and see what happened.

Regarding the "trigger" stuff, I will talk to my T about that as well.