Regarding the thoughts, I think they can become a habit. I have something similar and it becomes my go-to when things are hard. T has suggested to me that at one time, those thoughts were helpful, so they've become an automatic response, even when they are not helpful.

I read a great book about the brain that talked about how when you do something over and over, it's like riding a sled down the same path on a hill. It's very hard, after a while, to try to change the path of the sled. You have to forge an entirely new path through the snow. I think about that when I get frustrated with myself for repeating patterns.