This may sound like a strange post, and I'm embarrassed to write about it, but please hear me out.

I divorced last year after nearly 11 years of marriage, the last three of which were completely sex free. It was mostly mental abuse I got from her during that time.

Now I'm in a relationship with a wonderful woman who has challenges of her own (diagnosed w/ BPD this past week).

We've had some wonderful lovemaking sessions in the past. But over the last couple of months, there have been issues with I guess you could say attitude.

Being w/o sex for so long made for some serious performance anxiety when it finally came to being with someone again. But for the most part, things were moving smoothly.

I've had issues with climaxing early, but that I always figured to be expected.

What I've had issues coping with is her telling me that I have tremendous control over her if I want it. I have to be dominant and that would come with time, but I needed to figure that out for myself and she wouldn't teach me -- she was tired of teaching. In the last couple of sessions, she's said "how do you want me?" The last one I started to feel a little more comfortable and when she asked that same question I did what I wanted for the most part. But I still didn't feel like I was doing what I or she wanted in the sack.

I guess what I'm saying is I need to find a way to become more dominant in bed. It was never an issue in the past for me, but I feel like I'm relearning how to be myself in every possible way.

Like I said earlier, I'm embarrassed to be asking, but what does it take to be dominant in bed? I feel like I'm not trying hard enough for some reason. And her telling me she won't teach me what she likes does hurt me a bit.