Hello ARflowerstar: Well... I read your whole post. (It wasn't THAT long...) I'm sorry you are having such a difficult time. Yes, this certainly sounds like OCD to me. But I'm not a mental health professional & I can't diagnose you.

You didn't mention if you're seeing anyone (a therapist or psychiatrist.) I hope you are. From my perspective, I think it's important that you do. Are you familiar with Kati Morton's mental health videos on YouTube? I know Kati has done several videos on OCD. If you haven't seen them, you might like to take a look. Here's a link to one of them:



It's great that you're here with us on PC. But you also need to reach out for help in real life. From what you wrote things are gradually becoming even more difficult for you. So I send hugs your way with the hope that you will be able to get the help you need in order to heal.