There's another thing I'ld like to address - this business of a married person having a "friend" of the opposite gender that they hang out with and it's supposed to be all innocent and fine for them to be together one-on-one. That comes up a lot in threads here at PC, and - no - I don't think it's fine.

During times when I've been a student in college, there have been occasional instances where I've met with a male classmate because we were jointly working on a project or doing some report together. That's a pretty narrow context. Generally speaking, though, while I've been living with my significant other, I would not think it normal for me to be socializing one on one with a male. And I certainly would not be okay with him meeting up with a female to deepen their level of aquaintance.

Your wife seems to be shopping the singles' scene. She's run into a married man who may be doing the same thing. She won't come out and say she's sure she wants to end the marriage, but she's been living as though it were already over. Meanwhile, she signals that the door is a tiny bit open, in case you reform and remake yourself. What she insists is that all this is driven by you being the way you are, and she is merely trying to cope with a problem that you created. That theory sound a little too neat and tidy to me. Did the two of you utterly not know each other when you got married?

As two people in a marriage grow and develop, their relationship gets re-negotiated. Having times of being frustrated with each other is part of normal life. It doesn't sound like that's what this is. What she's doing seems to have a vindictiveness to it that does not seem to me to be a part of healthy growth.

After enough of this, you may find yourself eventually not really wanting to get back with her. But it's fine to just take a wait and watch approach. You're only back a month.

Whatever happens to the marital relationship, no third person will ever love those kids as much as the two of you do. I know you don't want to be just a co-parent to her. For now, though, that's where you are at.

I'm glad you have friends. I hope you can find some warm moments with them. This is very hard for you to go through. I don't understand someone going month after month trying to make another person as miserable as possible. I can't see where life is going to reward her for that. I don't think that's how life works.