Okay from now on this would be my depression diary.

Last Friday i was actually happy.. I don't know whenever i don't like to associate with other people, i became depressed.

Last Friday i suppose to have a club meeting **** in my area, i am a volunteer there.. But just because I'm lazy i didn't go and just because i wanna sleep early to go to another place the other day, i didn't go.. And the other day, i went on a language class it's actually free.. I feel so out of place.. It's like no one wants to talk with me.. Well, i don't know i don't feel like talking with others too. This is probably hormones.. Because there's times that i have the energy to be sociable.. Which is really needed in this society in order to survive.. But if you try to be passive then you'll be a loser.. Well, i don't care actually. I just feel bad because i feel like im out of place. And i don't have the energy to even smile. probably it's really my fault.. Anyways, **** happens.. And i won't go there anymore.. I remember the girl asked me before i go home, "did u have a good time?!"
I really forced myself to say this words, and fake a smile..
"yes. I enjoyed."

Then after that... The next day which is today, i went to a far far away church... I didn't anymore attend language exchange.. Well i kinda don't feel like associating too that i immediately get out of there.. Because before i have someone with me.. But that some one doesn't wanna go there anymore. so i went alone.. It's like you know, people are just being friendly for the sake of being friendly.. I hate social **** actually.. Eversince.. I miss my old friends.. I'm actually living in a new country now that's why it's kinda lonely.. I dunno.. But, i think days are getting worse? For me.. T.T

I have pms. Probably one factor of this depression is pms..

After two weeks, i hope i will be fine again.. I don't wanna like this feeling. I miss my home. my real home 🏡 with my parents.

I didn't know it's so hard to be an adult.. I don't want a boyfriend either.. I fear they just might hurt me.. Or anything.. I don't wanna cry anymore.

It's so hard to be an independent adult.. I'm just listening 👂 to some good music 🎶 now.. Music of early 2000s where I'm still free.. Free from any responsibilities..

I really thought school life is the worst, but school life you meet friends there.. But now being an adult it sucks..