I'm gonna try to answer your questions as best I can here. Keep in mind that I just share my experience, and anything I say is just out of love for one who is struggling. I hope I don't come across as harsh as all. Ok, here goes.
</font><blockquote><div id="quote"><font class="small">Quote:</font>
Now, I'm reaching out, I'm asking, how do you do it? How do you quit.
</div></font></blockquote><font class="post">
I realized one night that I had had enough. I had lost everyone important to me, including a man I had been on again off again with since I was 14. I was 26 when I got sober. I still had a job and an apartment. I had never gotten a dui, never killed anyone. I went to work every day (just about) and then in the evenings I drank. I started buying by beer at different places after a clerk commented on how much I drank. I always made sure I had enough in the fridge to get home to. During the week I'd drink about 6 or 7 in the evenings after work. I drew blood for a living at the time, and I'd go to work with shaking hands. I just thought I had a blood sugar problem, but every test came back normal. I went through a battery of heart tests for awhile because I had all these symptoms that no one could figure out. I was never honest with my doctors about my drinking. the last 6 months that I drank, I hung out here on PC, getting drunk in the chat rooms because I'd heard that if you ever drank alone, you were an alcoholic. So I had company in the chatrooms, so that I wouldn't be an alcoholic.
The friend I had left would bribe me with beer to go out with her. I ended up having an affair with her married brother-in-law. He left his wife and we just drank together. One night we went out to eat and of course were drinking. It ended up being karaoke so we stayed and drank and sang. Out of the blue I said to him, "Ya know, we should quit drinking and go to AA." He said we'd talk about it in the morning and we kept on drinking. We took a cab home and stopped and got more beer even though I had plenty at home. I crashed on my bed and he brought me a beer. I took one sip and passed out.
The next day we got up, looked up meetings online and talked about how much money we spent on booze. We went to the meeting, came home and threw out all my booze and then went to 2 more meetings that day. I've been sober ever since. That was April 24, 2005.
</font><blockquote><div id="quote"><font class="small">Quote:</font>
For you guys, is/was alcoholism the only problem? Did you just drink to drink because you were addicted, or did you drink because it's an enjoyable and effective way to mask other problems?
</div></font></blockquote><font class="post">
For me, all of the above. I drank socially a couple of times in high school, but I waited until I was 21 to really drink. I was afraid to do it before because it was illegal, and I was still hanging on to my good girl role. At 21, I drank socially at first, then I drank to sleep, then I drank all the time. I started getting depressed, seeking medical attention but lied about my drinking. I was given meds but they didn't work because I drank on them.
My mom died of cancer when I was 20. I watched her die for 2 years. I had to leave college to take care of her. Did I drink to mask the pain of this? Sure. I also drank when the days were great. I drank when I was bored. I drank when I was happy sad and everything in between. Eventually I drank because of all of that AND because I was addicted. I couldn't not drink.
</font><blockquote><div id="quote"><font class="small">Quote:</font>
A lot of terrible things have happened to me in the past two years of my life, and I'm the type who's really good at holding everything in, and I do it until I snap.
</div></font></blockquote><font class="post">
Me too. Even in sobriety I have to get in enough pain before I'll ask for help. Luckily I haven't drank or killed myself over stuff before I've asked for help.
</font><blockquote><div id="quote"><font class="small">Quote:</font>
There are just things about me that I feel I can't tell anyone, I'd get scorned for feeling that way about her in the situation I was in. I'd just get told to get over this and that.
</div></font></blockquote><font class="post">
Secrets kill us. They really do. We drink over secrets. In AA, I have whats called a sponsor. She's just another sober woman who has walked the sober road before. She knows absolutely everything about me. Everything. All my deep dark secrets that I swore I'd take to the grave. When I told her my last secret, she said "Me too.". I've sponsored girls and nothing they've ever told me has made me leave them in disgust. They always think they'll shock me and they never do. Because we've all come from that place, the places drinking took us.
</font><blockquote><div id="quote"><font class="small">Quote:</font>
A week or so ago: "You always seemed like the guy who was gonna be somebody."
Notice the "seemed," past tense, that definitely hit me.
And then....
"I don't want to abandon you, at all. And I am here, I am with you, always. But, I'm standing up now, and I'm here to tell you that you have to make a decision, it is all yours....(My name), get your drinking under control, or lose me. "
</div></font></blockquote><font class="post">
That was me too. I lost the guy who begged me to change. But it was loosing him that led me to get sober some months later. Today we're great friends. Today I'm back on the road to making something of myself. I've survived a devastated medical diagnosis but I didn't drink over it.
Alcoholism is a disease. Its an "ism". Ism means that we have a skewed view of how to live life. So we drink to cope. Those of us who have gotten sober and stay happy are those of us who have found new ways to cope. Some of go to AA, like myself. I go to meetings almost every day. I talk to my sponsor, I work the steps. I stay active in the program. I surround myself with other sober people. And I give back. I share what I've been through to help another.
There are many other ways to get sober though, and I'm sure more people will share on how they do it.
Bottom line is, NO ONE is a lost cause. EVERYONE can get sober. I've heard absolute HORROR stories in my meetings. Stuff worse than anything I've seen on tv. The ones who say "if you had my life, you'd drink too" are the ones who die.
The ones who say "I'm willing to go to any lengths to get sober" are the ones who live.
There isn't a single excuse in my over two years of being sober, that has been good enough for someone not to get sober over it.
Sobriety is for people who want it, unfortunatly not for people who need it. You have to want it for yourself inside and out to get and stay sober.
I promise that there are solutions and it is possible for ANYONE, no matter what might happen past present and future.
Today I LOVE my life. I love love love it. And I wouldn't have anything I have today without sobriety. So if you want what I have, I'm more than happy to show you what I do to get it. Same goes for anyone else here who has found sobriety. Why wouldn't we want to give it away? Its an awesome life!!!!
My life is an open book. So feel to ask me anything. Just beware, I have to live by rigorous honesty, so I will always tell the cold hard truth.
Keep posting and asking questions and you will be on the right road.
Rayna