She has never said she has no intention of working on the marriage after she gets finished working on her education & getting skills needed to take care of herself if you ever do leave her for what ever reason may be the cause....so NOT abandonment. I have looked that up because it is the situation I chose for myself after 33 years of marriage. Long term separations also happen whuch is the position im in right now. I left & H didnt want a divorce & neither of us had the money to pay for one though this year I will be getting it finalized.

I will play the devils advocate only because here we dont KNOW BOTH SIDES OF THE REAL STORY.

We dont know if you ever encouraged or discouraged your wife from getting an education to be able to take care of herself if anything ever did happen to you. Many times the military friends Ive had didnt encourage that because of all the moving around they do with new assignments in new locations. She may be afraid to go back at this point in time if she thinks things will just go back to status quo & be discouraged from completing what she truly feels she needs for her own safety & well being. I know getting my degree I needed lots of suppirt having a baby & I had family & church family around to provide that support. I agree, her choice of support is NOT WISE but I also know when we feel desperate we reach out to people that may not be our wisest choice. That indicates to me that she may not be very strong when it comes to standing up for herself which may be why she feels she has to stay away from the marriage & you right now. Have you ever let her know that you stand by her education & would helo her all theway in achieving her goals in life.

Its sad this corresponded with your deployment but your deployment was probably the lightbulb that turned on after she caught your texting....what if he leaves me.......or never comes home???? How would I be able to take care of me & the kids???? Thats a huge wake up call to do something with one's OWN life & that of the kids.

If she accomplishes her goal & still doesnt want ti work on the marriage whenshe feels stronger abiut herself & the counseling will be working in the marriage in terms of whatshe is then not what she is now....makes sense to me...but if not willing to work on it then....you WILL KNOW that the marriage is over then....otherwise its a good time to start over. Sounds to me that her not wanting a divorce that might be thevdirection her thoughts are going in.

Maybe she just really needs to hear how much you are really willing to support her in her goals especially if your marriage up to this point has been all about you & your deployments & goals & the kids....I sure wouldnt want to get list in a relationship marriage like that either.

Your texting she caught folliwed by your deployment were probably red flags to her for where would I be if hevdoes end up gone out of my life.