Quote:
Originally Posted by DadFMF
I just feel like I have no control. I really been referring to the Bible and trying to put my anxieties on him. I know actions are louder than words. I feel if I would have never made the mistakes I made before I deployed I wouldn't be in this predicament. I know I don't deserve the way she is treating me, but I do understand the pain she must have felt. I would have been upset if I would have seen that myself. I just need to focus on giving her space to figure things out and to focus on the mistakes I made in the marriage, since that's all the control I have of. I just hate this feeling of loneliness. Even when I have my children, it makes me miss my wife even more. Atleast I am eating and able to sleep now. I just don't want to end our marriage cause I truly love her. I just don't love the way she is handling this situation by hurting me and acting like she doesn't care
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DadFMF, this is the sad part of the experience - you are still attached. How could you not?
You have NO control re: your wife but you DO HAVE CONTROL re yourself - how you choose to handle this situation.
If you had
never made these particular mistakes, then others could have emerged anyway (this is life)
- AND quite possibly, sooner or later the issues within your wife would have surfaced.
All hindsight ... please do not beat up yourself.
Listen to
Ted Talks, Rethinking Infidelity - Esther Perel sometime. Infidelity doesn't always have to do with spouse. That's what the cheating spouse assumes .. so much of what people go through has to do with what baggage they came with in the first place.
Re your marriage.
It has ended, this 'aspect' of it,
'this version 1.0' had ended. To conceive it any other way will be to hurt yourself. Another version will result if it works out,
but right now, the previous version, the marriage you know has ended.
The thing is that timing is important & to force any issue with her, will only aggravate the situation.
This HAS to run its course. She has to go through what she has to go through.
If you
work on yourself, you will be better father, a happier person, & attract the right people (including her if it is to be). Use this time to work on yourself, not her (she is far from ready! )