Make sure you tell your T this at the beginning of the session so they are aware they need to do all they can to not reject, or be seen to reject you. Be totally open with your T about all the hallucinations, delusions and suicidal thoughts and plans. Basically, let them know how serious your situation is. Hopefully they will hear you and be able to help. You urgently need medical attention in my opinion, which means hospitalisation. Stating plan and intent should certainly get you a bed. It is disgusting that you have to fight so hard to get help but it is not your fault or a reflection on you. The system is broken. You are very strong for hanging on so long. Please keep fighting.