I'm not sure if Tolstoy believed in God, but the larger context of your quote (I had to google it) implies it was the case. He mentioned somewhere else that there was a force that forced his mind to "fix" itself from despair. This is to me inventing a meaning where there is none just to keep going. He call it "thirst for God". I was religious once, and indeed my life had a meaning then. I was OK with all the suffering in life, with all the failures, because I was hoping for a better life where there is no pain or suffering. But then I crossed the line that separates reality from myths and illusions. As much as I wish to go back, I cannot do that without living with a foot in each side, with complete loyalty to neither, and with no integrity to myself. I cannot do that.