DadFMF - if you really feel you wronged her in the past, then maybe it would be right to put that in a heartfelt letter. (Not a text.) You could keep it simple, but express that you do have remorse for what hurt you may have caused her. It sounds like you very genuinely do. Don't look for a quick response. Put it on paper and drop it in the snail mail. Don't include any criticism of her. Just a simple, heartfelt taking of responsibility for what you feel was wrong of you. Let her take time to digest that. See if it makes any difference. I'm not saying it will bring her back. But it might change her tone.

Then . . . if it doesn't change her tone, at least you tried being accountable. This hostility of hers is unnecessary and bad for everyone, including the kids . . . and including herself. Sometimes marital love dies. Sometimes a marriage has to be ended. But responsible people with young children need to handle it with no unnecessary rancor.

Maybe, come out and ask her: "If you don't love me and don't want me, then do what you need to do, but let's have respect for our responsibilities to these kids. You let me know what I can do to be helpful. Let me know what I need to do to be fair to you. I'll do my best to be fair. I expect you to be fair also."

If she persists in being unecessarily nasty, then just cut any such encounter short.

Here's what you, DadFMF, need to figure out. Is she basically hurt and wants you to go extreme making amends . . . which you might want to do . . . . . OR - is she so out of this marriage that nothing you can do is going to get her back. I would like it to be the first case. I know you would, too. Maybe one month home from deployment is too soon to know which it is. Eventually, though, if her coldness continues, then it is what it is. She has a right to leave a marriage, if that is her decision. But no one has a right to just perpetuate nastiness toward no goal, other than being hurtful. That's not going to lay groundwork for her future being any good, either.