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Old Feb 20, 2017, 01:31 AM
Red Star Red Star is offline
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Member Since: Sep 2016
Location: New England
Posts: 5
Please forgive me if this in the incorrect forum. I also apologize for any terminology that may be incorrect or inappropriate. I have a very limited understanding of psychology.
I will first list, then describe some troubling symptoms that have recently emerged in hopes that some of you will help me identify and understand what the heck is happening to my brain. I am a 23 year old male and have never before had substantial psychological issues or consulted with a professional.
For the past five weeks the following has become consistent:
-Multiple vivid nightmares every night. (Horror, death, sexual violence)
-Uncontrollable suicidal thoughts (No immediate danger)
-Episodes of shaking and stuttering.

Nightmares: I have never had nightmares this bad. They are vivid, gruesome, and haunting, occurring more than once per night, and I seem to remember them in detail. The subjects of these dreams vary greatly. Most of the time I am under the threat of violence; being chased by monsters, being physically tortured, or witnessing others be harmed. Sometimes these dreams involve people I know, sometimes it involves strangers. There appears to be little consistency other than themes of impending doom.

Thoughts of self-harm: This is really new for me and difficult to explain. I have never had thoughts of suicide before five weeks ago. The strange part is, these thoughts do not feel like my own. I am not actively fantasizing killing myself nor am imagining the actual act of self-injury. Rather, my internal voice will randomly tell me to kill myself, dozens of times every day. It is abrupt, frightening, and feels totally outside my control. I’ll be doing homework or watching a movie, and I’ll hear words in my head that I won’t describe in great detail. Sometimes I say them out loud, even waking myself up in the night, yelling words that I would never say.

Shaking: This one is strange and I really can’t detect a pattern. Every once in a while, my arms, legs, and head start shaking. I don’t mean quivering, I mean SHAKING. It also seems to affect my brain. During the physical episode I get caught stuttering and looping a vocal phrase, like a record. The phrase is usually just whatever I was thinking before the episode started. These never last more than five or ten minutes but they take almost full control of my body and mind. I sometimes end up on the floor.

The most troubling aspect of these symptoms is how often they occur. I have had no rest from them and I doubt I’ll be able to hide it much longer. I’m terrified I’ll say something horrible in class or start shaking my body. I can’t identify an event in my life that would cause this level of mental distress. Has this happened to people before? Do you have any ideas of what this might mean? Should I seek help, and if so, how? Please feel free to ask any questions. Just hearing someone else might help me not feel so scared.
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MickeyCheeky, obscurity, reb569, Teddy Bear