i need more practice with talking and communication

trust... and stuff...
i dont do it on purpose though, i just get so nervous and anxious.. i hate talking about the problematic stuff... i dont even like thinking about it, wish i could just make it go away...

i have never been able to talk about stuff before so im trying to learn..

its so difficult... sometimes im ok... sometimes im not... when they was telling me i was bipolar i told them the only way im bipolar is if i have ultradian cycling because of this... i can be happy sad mad hurt disconnected distant present and afraid all within a few given moments... and sometimes the moments get locked or stuck on...

im just a shell... thats all i am... a nobody... that reflects whats inside to the outside world so that the inside cant get hurt by the outside... im just a shock absorber... blah...

not a human... just a wrapper... i guess thats why i just dont feel anything most of the time or feel so much i cant tell what im feeling...