I think you are saying you want to know how to be able to show your t your shame and self-disgust so they can see how deeply you are hurting.

I relate to this just a little. I am scared to express my deepest, darkest feelings and experiences to the t. I can't bring myself to say it. Plus, I hate to be thought of badly. And I am afraid of what they are writing about me in their notes. So there is an element of distrust. I think they will misjudge me and say I am a bad person.

I suppose we need to say all to the t if we are to heal. So, maybe just say it, like ripping off a bandage.