Religious scripts used to make me feel good. Actually, I was spending more time reading the Bible and the writings of the Church Saints more than I was reading for school, even during my first years in my doctorate degree. I guess I've always felt low, and I continuously needed something to boost my mood. Needed some comfort. I was OK with being alone, because I felt I had company somehow. I felt comforted. But as I said, I've crossed the point of no return. I tried to go back and read the scripts, but I couldn't do it. Things are different now. I saw the scripts and religious writings with different eyes. Now I'm trying to come to terms with life and with all it entails of suffering and failures. It seems others (most of them anyway) have no issues with life. People distract themselves with stuff (activities, travel, work, children, fun, .... etc). I believe Tolstoy described these folks as "intoxicated by life". I think this is very accurate description. For me, I feel I'm awake for now, and I'm processing my thoughts. I'm not sure where it will lead me, or if I have to abandon them all together. Maybe it's true that we just live life. I don't know. But I haven't accepted this hypothesis/reality, not yet.