I just wanted to apologize for writing, because I'm going through a really hard time with a lot of stuff happening in life that is sort of re-traumatizing, and because I'm so confused that I find most of the stuff I'm writing doesn't make much sense or is contradicting itself in some form..

I'm going to try to control it.. Must remain focused..

I hope that I haven't made myself look like a big idiot. I'm sincerely lost and this is the most difficult thing I've ever had to even attempt to deal with, and it feels like I'm all alone with it..

I'm so tired of being ashamed and embarrassed..

All I can say is somethings got to give, but I want to maintain my dignity as I fall face first into the quicksand.. It's scary and we gotta figure out a healthier more private way of figuring this out..

Thanks for being kind, very compassionate group of peoples, I've never felt more welcomed; even though I spew a lot of nonsense