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Originally Posted by Xynesthesia
I don't think it's about object constancy per se either, especially for adults. Probably more that some people develop an inner source and soothing mechanism (of course I do believe it's heavily influenced by caretakers in early life), which does not necessarily require interpersonal interaction and reassurance once it's set. I believe that if this is not developed fully or becomes damaged due to mental illness, intense stress etc, then there are all these things of looking for love in all places outside but never quite feeling of finding or sustaining it. If this is true, I imagine it might be much more effective to work on creating this "inner place" or mechanism, the intrapsychic, rather than focusing on the interpersonal too much and hoping it will ever provide that powerful nurture.
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It may be that setting that mechanism of self-regulation involves internalizing some kind of reliable, loving and responsive caregiver. I'm guessing the theory involves positing an essential connection between the interpersonal and the intrapsychic. I'm thinking that it might also be difficult to internalize the 'good caretaker' later, just because the sense of oneself as unlovable or unworthy may be quite fixed and so any interaction that suggests otherwise may be interpreted as suspect, if not outright betrayal.
For me personally, I think the ability to self-regulate is particularly inhibited in situations in which I doubt the authenticity of the care given to me by a person I have idealized. But there is also something close to a compulsion to doubt it. It might be that the process of internalizing a sense of self-worth and the reliability of another must be done in tandem.