I had a long term T who specialized in CBT. Early on I mentioned that people talked of being able to tolerate emotional pain, but that it seemed likely to me that few suffered it at the intensity I did - and if they did, they would not be so quick to think it could be tolerated. His responded really gently by saying "well let's work on lessening that pain." I think it may have been then that I started loving him immediately and forever!

Regarding self-comfort, have you tried any scents? I find lavender essential oil really calming and also vanilla scents. Patchouli and vetiver make me feel grounded too