My mental health has really declined since I've gone to college. My freshman year I was dealing with hallucinations, self harm, and paranoia but my grades didn't really suffer at that point. My sophomore year I was hospitalized and under the 72 hour hold they came up with oppositional defiant disorder (which I disagree with) and my grades began to really suffer. The spring I did better and got on the Dean's List but I began hearing voices again and self harming.

I'm currently in my junior year and I was hospitalized in the fall for 2 weeks and diagnosed with bipolar I with psychotic features. I failed several classes in the fall and almost got kicked out of uni so this semester I switched my major from a biochemistry degree to a cognitive science degree which is a degree I don't really want but it's the only one I can finish in 4 years. My grades are better this time around (so far) but I am having a hard time mentally. I am taking my meds regularly and just saw my doctor, I'm seeing a therapist, but I still feel suicidal and unmotivated. However, I am not hallucinating anymore or self-harming but I feel like I'm on the verge of self harming again. My mom says I should just come home and get a job and/or go to the community college at home and work on my mental health at home.

I am trying to decide if I will buy a bus ticket to go home tomorrow and drop out of this university or if I should just stick it through and risk hospitalization again. I can tell that my mental health is taking a toll on my mom now because she's starting to develop heart issues due to all of the stress I'm causing her. Should I just go home and get a job for now? I'm going to one of the top universities internationally and I know if I drop out I will never have a chance like this again. I once wanted to go to medical school but I can see that it is out of the question now but I could still be an EMT or medical assistant if I go to the community college. I'm really interested in biology too.

I'm not sure what to tell the rest of my family if I drop out. Should I drop out? Please help. Thank you for taking the time to read this.