Quote:
Originally Posted by rainbow8
I email her how wonderful I feel after that session and she doesn't reply right away. I have to remind her. She emails and apologizes, and writes that she's glad I feel wonderful. In my email I asked if at some level she feels good that I love her. She didn't answer that part.
I wanted her to agree that it was special to share love. Instead, I feel a little foolish. I know she will probably say otherwise, but it deflates my good feeling when she doesn't respond the way she did in the session. I felt her email wasn't sincere. I wish she would have said something like "yes, we shared something special in the session. I felt it too." I know I'm expecting too much from T. She's not the best writer but sometimes she gets it right. I need to pay attention to her feelings, not her words in an email.
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Have you considered the possibility that you are expecting unconditional love from someone you internally put a lot of conditions on?
My husband used to do that to me. He would read things into what I said or did (or didn't say or didn't do) (or did differently than he wanted or thought I should), and it kept him in a state of anxiety about our relationship . . . and it drove me up the wall. He finally realized if he just took a deep breath and accepted what I had to offer as coming genuinely from me, that he couldn't force me to act the way he wanted or behave in a way that was anything other than myself, then everything he was looking for was already there. All of his analyzing and picking apart of my every action and word didn't give me nearly the credit I deserved, and it only served to feed his anxieties.
Just breathe. Be accepting that you have a very attentive and caring therapist who loves who you are. Be accepting of what she offers you rather than picking it apart so that it loses its value for you. Raise up what she does do, recognize how fortunate you are to have such a caring therapist; breathe in her caring and accept her for who she is. Remind yourself to do that each and every time you start a thought about her with the words "I wish she would have . . ."