Actually, I always felt like what CBT helped me do first is to figure out what I am actually thinking as opposed to just emotionally reacting without being in touch with where that emotion was coming from. My therapist always had me kind of work backwards through things.

For instance, the situation I posted above about my sister. What I first really noticed was my emotion which was driving my behavior. I was agitated and anxious and angry, and I was taking my emotions out on my family.

What my therapist would have me do is to stop and find the thought I had before I snapped at my family. (Well, my sons hadn't cleaned their bathroom. How dare they be so inconsiderate!) My therapist would say, that's just a bathroom. That's not what really has you upset; what were you thinking before that? (Well, why do I always end up being the person fixing things around the house, the person making the decisions . . .?) My therapist would say, closer, but that's still not it. What were you thinking before that? (Well, I don't want to adult today. Doesn't my family realize what today is? I want my sister. Give me back my sister.)

Yup. That was it. Once I acknowledged what the initial thought was, then I could simply honor it and let it be what it was. It might take working backwards through layers of thoughts to get to the initial thought that set me off, and often that initial thought was tied to some old, mistaken belief about myself or my history that I had internalized.

It took my years to internalize that process. My therapist walked me backwards through my thoughts over and over and over again for years before it became a habit of thinking.

So, yes, in a way, behaviors came first because it is the behaviors we recognize first. Then we can usually recognize our raw emotions pretty easily. The hard part for me was understand where those emotions were really coming from; what were the thoughts that were driving my emotions. And if those thoughts were disordered, I also had to go through a process of recognizing when my thinking wasn't really rational and putting my thoughts up against a reality check.

What I found was that I kept bumping up against the same initial thoughts rather frequently. There was a definite pattern to the thoughts that kept driving my anxiety and anger and depression. It took time, but after a while, I got tired of bumping up against that same old garbage and I actually started truly changing those initial thoughts -- I stopped buying into that old thinking and created truly healthier messages and beliefs for myself.

There is a reason I don't believe behavior therapies should be considered short-term or a quick fix. My experience had been that CBT was a long, difficult, deep process, but one that was truly life-changing for me. I truly do use these skills each and every day.

The behavioral activities like getting out to the library, going for a vigorous walk, playing ball with your dog, etc. are simply ways to break up the ruminations (in my case) temporarily. They aren't going to "fix" anything, but they can provide a respite for a short time. For me, the most effective activities were things like playing a board game with my family, going to choir practice, watching a great movie (not a sad one). Even mundane tasks that are rather brain intensive like balancing the checkbook or making a menu out for the next week, planning the shopping list, and doing the shopping were things that I realized could completely get me out of my problems and into something else. You kind of have to know what works for you.