One idea i am working with (to also face that overwhelm vs. numb out bit is to see the emotions as waves; one is to go deep into the ocean where it is calm even while the waves rage overhead. the other is to let the wave break over me (not fight it) and let it pass right on by. The more we fight it, the worse it is. i too feel like if i process any of it, i will lose everything and therefore choose to ignore it. but the stuff comes up anyway and usually when i don't want it too.
Cyran0 are you in therapy right now? it might be a helpful place to be so that you can focus that one hour on the pieces of the dam that are breaking, and keep staying in your present life in the other aspects - family, work.... my new T is working with me both on containment for my overwhelming emotions, and also letting me see them one at a time and where they come from.
Best to you.
kiya