Hi Mmiikkeeyy,

Welcome to Psych Central.

From what you say I don't think that this is sexual at all and if it helps you and not doing any harm then it is fine. It's just one way of coping, as you said it calms you down and makes you relaxed, safe and secure. There are numerous bad ways of coping and this seems harmless. Try if you can to talk to your counselor about it. I don't think it's something you should be ashamed of at all.