Budfox posted this article on another thread and I thought it may be relevant here too:

http://www.billcloke.com/writing-sam...s/#development

In my own personal case I know that when I start to doubt whether my idealized other cares about me, it actually does begin with a flash of shame. Suppose an email was not answered, or something that I believed I was entitled to was not given, or I simply remember something that wasn't done that I believe should have been done: I actually feel shame. The feeling of shame is accompanied by this thought: He did not consider me important/worthy enough to do it.' And really I have been (as the article says) fairly unconscious of the way this shame translates immediately to rage. In any case - I thought others here might find this relevant.