I did used to have this problem. T and I wrote a flashcard together about it. The flashcard says "Right now I am feeling like T doesn't care about me, but there is lots of evidence that he does" and then goes on with all the evidence. Also T suggested I record the sessions and listen to them later. Finally, we were able to text and email,and sometimes speak if necessary, between sessions. All these things were helpful and gradually I was able to "hold on" to the good feelings and learnt to trust. I've noticed that it has transferred across the rest of my life as well. I'm more able to trust friends and I don't any longer think that if one small thing goes wrong it means someone hates me or doesn't care. So it was really really good and helpful thing to learn.

I don't. They come and go. That's what feelings do.

It has helped me to develop trust that they will come back. Trust that the feeling of love exists even when it isn't experienced. When you look back over the entirety of your relationship you wil be able to see that the feelings have always come, and always gone. Because that is what feelings do. No feeling stays all the time. Ever.
But every time the feeling has faded and anger or disconnection or insecurity has taken its place, that feeling too has only been temporary, and the feeling of love has always,, always returned.
The thread of love runs through everything. Your T has always held you in love. She always will.
Even when the feeling of love fades and another temporarily stands in its place.

I think this flashcard is a nice idea. I like to journal after session, and go back and read it if I'm feeling down about the therapeutic relationship.

Rainbow, I struggle with this. I often journal about a good feeling and hoping I can hold onto it. Or some how tap back into it in a time of need. I'm not there yet. I do feel lots of things shifting for me in my relationship with my t and maybe part of that is learning these things.

Thank you, Satsuma and Luce for your comments. I am glad to hear that this is something that can be learnt as well as another way to look at it.

Lolagrace - I too see my t in my life for the rest of my life in some form or another. And yes, I hope to learn how to translate the ability to other relationships, I think learning to have it with t is the safest place to learn it.

Elio, thank you for validating my feelings.

I've been told a few times that I have this issue - that I can't internalize/hold the good in a relationship. Really I'm a bit unsure of it. It first happened with an authority figure who I idealized but who treated me quite badly (not abusively). My mental state deteriorated and I went into a psychotic depression. Eventually he realized what had happened and would then - on occasion have these long conversations with me. While I was speaking to him (at these times) I would feel cared for, respected, etc. However these conversations would be had maybe once a month or even less as he had many other duties. Meanwhile he actually still did some things which were pretty incontrovertible signs that he did not care all that much for me. Between conversations I would then go into a spiral of doubt and upset and end up back at the beginning.

Some years later the same thing happened with a T. When I saw him I was sure he cared about me, etc etc. But in between sessions I would go into an agony of doubt and sheer misery. I would recall emails he hadn't replied to, etc etc. I saw him 8 years and he passed away last year. My worst episodes are still when I think he didn't/couldn't have cared about me.

This isn't a feature of all my relationships - I am pretty insecure, but it doesn't generally have this intensity. I also haven't found the psychoanalytical theory that as an infant I was not able to internalize the good... to be very helpful, or to have that much explanatory value. It could be that I just don't understand the theory well enough. I remember it being tied up with object constancy?