I go through these really weird shifts where I first love my friends, my brothers, family, whoever, and care about them and stuff and I'm willing to do anything for them and listen to them and help them with anything. I used to pay for my friend's therapy. she went twice and never went back. I like to emotionally involve myself.

but then, I'll go through other episodes where I .. guess I hate them? or I'll say things, and think in my head "this is going to make them upset but I don't care." but I don't really mean it. it's just in THAT moment that I don't like them. I'll have moments where I have zero empathy, I do not care at all, it doesn't matter at all, I can say whatever I want, or lie and I just don't care. and it bothers me .. so much. because that is becoming more frequent than the caring part. but when I am angry, it's like I'm not myself. I remember it all... but it's like it's not me. I don't mean it. does anyone else have this ? or is this something else?