Hey. So I realize this was not really a qs, more me thinking aloud or asking myself why I sometimes do this. But thank you for sharing your own past destructive behaviors. It is helpful to hear others experience.
I know I'm not doing anything overly bad- just a little bit reckless I suppose. It's not like I'm doing meth or sleeping with a bunch of random people or dropping $1000s. When I hook up with my ex bf, at the time I don't regret it. But afterwards I feel a touch of self loathing bc I know it's a bad idea. It's complicated bc we still care about each other; but I also just really enjoying sleeping with him. I mean sometimes sex is just good fun.

I suppose it seems a little out of character to me bc I am usually prettty careful about making good decisions and being responsible. So I just wondered where the urge to rock the boat and mess things up comes from. Maybe it is a part of hypomania. Or maybe the responsible vesrion of me is out of character and this the real me and I only let her out rarely.

I just sort of assumed that when people were hypomanic and did dumb **** they didn't have the insight to know that what they were doing was a bad idea. It's like I know it's a stupid idea or behavior and sometimes just do it anyway, seeming not to care. Idk. I suppose i will discuss this and try to work on it with my T. Thanks.