...which is a long story, but the short version is simply shame and humiliation.

I like to tell the world what a fighter I am, how I'm all leather and lace and don't even think about effing with me cuz I'll annihilate you...blahblahblah.

What a load of....

Anyway, on Dec. 30, 2015, my husband of 23 years beat me senseless for the one and only time - so far, anyway. I left him for about 6 weeks, determined not to return. He lured me back when his thyroid was shown to be hyper and that supposedly explained some of it and I was so miserable and he was so repentant. I went back. Now I'm just wishing he would hit me. It wouldn't hurt so much.

I know it was dumb to come back, but I can't exactly take care of myself, or at least, I need to relearn how before I can just disappear as I'd like to.

I do things that I can't always help, and he persecutes me for it. He withholds affection when he's angry and he's always angry now. He doesn't hit me, he just turns his back on me, saying he needs space from me, which I'm sure he does, but what a lousy way to show it! He throws me into a tailspin causing panic attacks and major depressive episodes (I'm also bipolar II) and then has the gall to text our therapist and tells him I've "gone off the reservation" instead of "she's having a panic attack" and "she's really, really depressed and can't stop crying".

I really, really am starting to hate his attitude towards me. I'm scaring myself.

Anyone else ever feel this way?