I lost my father at ten years old. I denied my grief for about ten years because I wasn't emotionally mature enough to handle it. That caused severe depression during my teens. Eventually I went to a trauma program and worked through the grief in therapy. I was relatively symptom free for about six years.

In 2012 my bipolar symptoms reappeared. I went through hell for a long time.

On may 28 2015, I found my husband dead on the kitchen floor. I had been in a mild depressed episode already. When I found out it was drugs I went crazy. A week later I severely injured myself and had to get stitches and go IP. I spent a week IP trying to understand the magnitude of my grief.

When I got out of IP I was determined to recover, from bp and from the trauma and grief. I went to an IOP program so I could have a place to talk about what happened. I threw myself into physical health to try to distract myself, by quitting smoking, joining a gym, and changing my diet. That probably helped a bit. I managed to stay out of a severe depression until about January, when the stress and pain of my first Christmas without him became too much for me. I went back to IOP and switched medications.

Now I have been depression free for over a year. I have a great therapist who helps me talk about the trauma and grief. I still struggle, of course, but there is a difference between grief and depression, at least for me. I can tell which is which.

I think therapy is the most helpful when dealing with grief. There are lots of support groups for grief as well. I've never gone because my social anxiety is too high, but I wish I could.