It sounds like you're delineating between stress causing sui thoughts and mood episodes/chemicals causing sui thoughts. Is that right?

My experience agrees with Naynay99's. I start fantasizing with my stress and crazy levels get to be overwhelming.

Especially because I grew up very religious, I never turned to drugs, alcohol, indiscriminate sex, or other vices to cope. I've talked with other religious bipolar friends, and we all talked about how sui thoughts are the first place that specifically our thoughts go since we don't have other negative escapes.

How do I cope with the thoughts? I have written down many things over the last few years. I read them to myself. Mostly it's stuff my therapist has said when I'm in that dangerous spot. I read it and tell myself over and over what he has said, even though I don't believe or feel it.

Did you end up taking the (was it Adderall?) to kick into mania like you were considering?