I have had this dynamic with certain people in my life and you know what is frustrating? I ask myself what is it that I actually WANT them to feel for me - and I seriously can't answer the question. I kept thinking I want them to care about me / love me / have regard for me. But I can't quite grasp EXACTLY what this means, or exactly what it would feel like (in their minds) for them to have that attitude towards me. There is something that seems so ungraspable, and murky but so overwhelmingly significant about it :/

Anyway, can't offer much advice but certainly sympathize!

Hi Rainbow. Maybe it's been said already in past threads, but do you think that maybe some of the issue is that you seek or need emotional intensity, whether it's positive or negative--that without the intensity, a feeling doesn't seem real or genuine? Because that would explain some of why the good feelings are not sustainable--they are too high in intensity. The real, everyday kind of good feelings about people might feel bland to you or not even register, but they are the enduring kinds of feelings (at least, that's how I've found it). So that calm middle ground actually makes you feel anxious for something intense until you can get the next intense feeling?

Just a thought.

I can relate to not being able to grasp what it is I want them to feel. They tell me they care, love, are amazed, ... whatever and most the time I believe them..that it is what they feel; however, I don't feel loved or cared for... so what is it that I am not getting or what is it that I need to get to feel them. Most the time I feel worthy of those things, so I don't think that is my issue. Don't know. I'm right there with you.