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Originally Posted by ruh roh
Hi Rainbow. Maybe it's been said already in past threads, but do you think that maybe some of the issue is that you seek or need emotional intensity, whether it's positive or negative--that without the intensity, a feeling doesn't seem real or genuine? Because that would explain some of why the good feelings are not sustainable--they are too high in intensity. The real, everyday kind of good feelings about people might feel bland to you or not even register, but they are the enduring kinds of feelings (at least, that's how I've found it). So that calm middle ground actually makes you feel anxious for something intense until you can get the next intense feeling?
Just a thought.
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I think you're on to something here, ruh roh! I have always liked the intensity of therapy. I miss the "in love" feelings I had for my T. I like sessions with intensity, though I'd rather have positive than negative. When T's email was ordinary, it shot down my mood. Her signing "love" used to be intense; now it's ordinary. When I said " I love you" to her, it was intense for me last week, but today in a slightly different context they already didn't mean much.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Elio
I can relate to not being able to grasp what it is I want them to feel. They tell me they care, love, are amazed, ... whatever and most the time I believe them..that it is what they feel; however, I don't feel loved or cared for... so what is it that I am not getting or what is it that I need to get to feel them. Most the time I feel worthy of those things, so I don't think that is my issue. Don't know. I'm right there with you.
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Thanks, Elio. Maybe my T is right. We have to work on US feeling the love and caring from others. I feel it from a few close friends but I crave it from T. I told her it's not real because I'm a client, so that's when she said it's different from how she loves others, but it's still love. She's right. It doesn't seem enough. I think because I didn't feel loved as a baby though my parents loved me.