Tisha, I wonder if there is more to your fantasy than low self esteem and ego. Maybe you are sad that you didn't continue with your singing?

I need to get rid of this sort of "stinkin thinkin"-- I am to self absorbed. For example, yesterday, when my H said he was monitoring me it was mostly about his anxiety about me. Instead of immediately feeling empathy, I felt threatened. Since he was upset, I did listen to him but in my head, it was making me upset too. When he is upset, I need to try to calm down my internal "fight or flight" reaction and take more time to understand his feelings.

As Lolagrace said, psychotherapy has been about "Where is my stinkin thinkin come from?" Sometimes understanding why you are having negative thoughts can help you not think so negatively. But sometimes you do have to truly acknowledge negative thoughts that have merit. A couple of weeks ago, I was saying to myself, "I must truly be an idiot to have **** myself" (made an attempt). Calling yourself an idiot sounds like stinkin thinkin but it was not. It was the first time I cried about what I did to myself. I needed to cry (hadn't cried for years). My attempt was a real tragedy.