I think I've felt that way before. It is hellish. You are not alone. We are here for you. Sounds like you are doing a good job at distraction. Keep at it to take the focus off your thoughts and feelings that have been overwhelming you. Can you contact your T and/or Pdoc tomorrow? You need as much support as you can get right now. Hang in there and don't harm yourself. Keep posting if that helps or PM me if you want to chat.