Well, here is something you could sit and think about Artchic. But, this is something just for you and it's about being open minded and honest with "self".

Ask yourself if you have wants but tend to "I want this but I can't because of this person or that person so I have to wait until that person gets better or more capable". Think about how you spend your time and forget about me and my opinion or what I am saying or if I am being critical of you, instead think about what your environment actually is and your part in it and your sensitivity within that environment.

You are "not" a stupid person and you are also VERY creative and artistic. Have you ever capitalized on that? Do you cultivate that? Part of "learning" how to be that way is to be around others that "cultivate" and learn to be productive with their seeds of creativity.

When I was around your age my husband got together with partners and opened up a restaurant. The money was VERY tight and when they were cleaning out the restaurant they had several model ships piled up to go in the garbage. I put them in my car and brought them home and set out to repair them and paint them. I figured out how to replace the broken strings and painted all the canvas sails and touched up the body of the ships that were old and dusty and dingy looking. They ended up coming out really nice and we used them as decorations. Now, these ships were going to be thrown out, that is how others saw them. Ironically, when we ended up selling that restaurant there was a battle over those damn ships and they suddenly wanted them. Well, that is how a lot of people "are" Artchic, they see things as trash until someone who is artistic takes what is only seen as trash and shows how it's not trash.

When you have the seed of creativity it's important to expose one's self to different ways of cultivating that creativity. I knew a woman who went to toll painting classes and got really good at it, she ended up setting up a place in her home to teach toll painting and made money doing that. She did not "wait" for anyone to present her with that opportunity, she just went ahead and did it and worked around being a mom and made money for herself. I met a woman who learned all about tile, she ended up making her own tile, would even do murals of tile and ended up doing customized tile work for very wealthy people. She was also a realtor and that helped her network that exposed her to these wealthy clients.

One day I visited a place that was a bunch of shops that were all owned or operated by different artisans. I went to one shop where a woman sold all kinds of wreaths and she made a lot of beautiful bows. I watched her make these bows. Just learning and experimenting with that opened doors for me to actually make money and also find my own ways of using bows. That knowledge came in VERY handy when it came time to decorating that restaurant for the holidays. AND, I also had a small spot where I sold bows I had made for people who wanted to use them to decorate their own trees and doors. I was not only resourceful, but I ended up taking something I had learned and made extra money at it.

From what I have read of your venting I am seeing a creative young woman who is in environment where she is being encouraged to be an enabler. You are waiting for your father, waiting for your older brother whom you have been encouraged to clean up after when he drinks to much and gets sick in the bathroom, and waiting for your mother who is herself an enabler. Idk, it just seems like you are waiting to find an online connection to rescue you out of that life. What worries me about that is that from what you have vented it seems like the one thing you have been taught (unknowingly) is how to enable. You are the "lady in waiting".

And I don't think you will get what "you" need online either because I suspect that you are more of a person who is visually stimulated. People like that end up doing things that are creative like working in a florist shop, or like that woman I came across that did so much with bows or another woman who ended up getting into designing tile or that other woman who found out she did well in toll painting. I have met women that found out they "loved" taking old furniture and white washing it and stenciling and repurposing it. Or, a woman who took some upholstery classes and ended up picking up pieces of old furniture and making new cushions and making what many tossed out into pieces of furniture that she fixed up and re-purposed into staging and started her own staging business for realtors.

Some people actually utilize the free classes that Home Depot provides to learn how to tile. Some have learned how to do that, do it for others, have even met men that do other work in home repairs and remodeling and "bingo" there is something "there" to build on as they are both "visuals" and use that ability to make a living.

If you are a creative individual, that's a seed and it's important to expose "self" to different kinds of mediums until something actually "clicks" for you.