Hello Beardsley: I'm sorry you are having such a difficult time. I see this is your first post here on PC. So... to PsychCentral… from the Skeezyks! May the time you spend here be of benefit.

With regard to your concerns, while one of our main purposes, here on PC, is to support one another; realistically there is only so much that can be done in an on-line situation. Since you are feeling suicidal, it is really important that you reach out in real life for the help you need. You didn't mention if you see a mental health therapist or a psychiatrist or if you're on any psych med's. Assuming you are not in immediate suicidal danger, hospitalization is not necessarily the only option. There is much that can be done on an outpatient basis. But it is important that you pursue these options now before your condition deteriorates to the point where hospitalization becomes the only option.

If you're looking for someone you can correspond with via personal message, here on PC, you can certainly personal message me. I'm not sure I'm the best member here for you to do that with. I'm an old man & not a vet. I'm quite certain there are other PC members with whom you would share more experiences. On the other hand, I have self-harmed & been hospitalized twice following major suicide attempts. So I certainly do know a thing or two about that stuff. I'll leave its to you to decide what you want to do. One thing you might consider would be to post in the men's support forum. You might be more likely to connect there with members of similar age & background:

https://forums.psychcentral.com/men-focused-support/

PsychCentral is a great place to get information as well as support for mental health issues. The more you post, & reply to other members’ posts, the more a part of the community you will become. Plus there are social groups you can join & chat rooms where you’ll be able to connect with other PC members in real time (once your first 5 posts have been reviewed & approved.) Lots of great stuff! So please keep posting!