This is something that a lot of individuals that struggle with PTSD struggle with so it isn't just something combat vets struggle with. It's "good" that you came here to vent this challenge. I struggled with this challenge "badly" myself and the individual that helped me that "saved" me was a vet I came across here at this site. He told me to pay attention to how these feelings come in "waves" that they come in, crest, and recede. I paid attention and noticed that he was right. I actually noticed that with PTSD, things do come in waves and what helped to reduce the impact was acknowledging whatever did come forward.

I know what it means to have low self worth, feelings of inadequacy and hopelessness. I know what it is like to not want to have these feelings so badly that I wanted to just "end". That being said, you are putting too much effort into "planning" on ways to give up. I know what that is like and what helped me is when I did notice that and I began working through it with a therapist.

Your family is not going to understand this challenge so it's important that you find support from individuals that do that can help you remember "why" you are not going to act because you are right, it would cause a lot of pain in your family, could even result in them struggling with PTSD as well.

I know about the fighting, unfortunately the struggle of PTSD has a lot of anger and impatience with it. This is something you can gain on "controlling" more with time and therapy. You may benefit from trying medical marijuana, I have met vets that use medical marijuana and find it to help tremendously. There are different kinds of medical marijuana that are mild and just take that edge off. I have met three different vets that have talked about how much that has helped them so it's worth looking into.

How long have you been out of service and struggling?