Hi Zedsdead

I'm sorry you've been going through such a tough time
And it can be easy to believe that those "nice moments" could be who that person is/can be deep inside and push "the rest" to one side........take some of the blame for "the rest"..........try to justify "the rest"..........try to move past "the rest"..........
But "the rest" is just as big a reality, actually the bigger reality.

And I completely understand how it may be hard to see it that way, afterall you probably made a real emotional investment in the relationship, maybe you want to see the best in it.........maybe the way he's behaved has knocked your self esteem and self confidence a little (??) making it harder for you to categorically say "that is not acceptable, I don't have to live like this".

But..........maybe start by writing down all of the things he has done which have bothered/hurt you..........that may help you see the "bigger picture" a little easier.........and even imagine that it is someone you really care about who has brought you that list of how someone has treated them..........now how might you feel about your or their situation??
And...........it might help you by thinking about/remembering how you should be treated...........how you should be able to expect someone to treat you...........using that as a comparison as to how he's treated you..........it can sometimes be easy to just "accept" some behaviours overlooking how you should be treated.

And I totally get that change can be scary.........so maybe, if you haven't already, list all the possible options/opportunities if/when you do move on e.g. a bit of research on the help/support out there, where you might live, what you might do.........just so as you have something tangible to work on........some assurances.
And bear in mind that it might feel real hard at first, it might be real hard at first, but ultimately don't you think you might gradually find yourself much stronger, more self assured, more confident without him??



Alison