Hi QueenCopper

You certainly show some real impressive insight here:
".........As an adult I do not agree with that...........I realize now it was not right! That was not my fault! What he done to me was in no way my fault and it was not childhood experimenting. It was painful, I was afraid and I did not know what to do..........." so massive kudos to you!!

And..........it's OK if you can't hold back the tears when talking about it..........what happened to you was wrong, wasn't your fault, should never have happened to you...........the hurt, and the tears if you do cry, are completely understandable........and you have a right to feel hurt.........so please try not to feel embarrassed..........you have nothing to feel embarrassed about IMO And, one step at a time sounds good, just work through things with your T at your own pace, whatever/however is right for you

Alison