I didnt realize it until only a few years ago but ALL my attempts ( lost count over the last 13 years that I was trapped in my marriag) that it was actually my bad marriage relationship that was driving my attempts because in reality (i didnt even realize) I wanted out so bad & that was my only way out at the time. I didnt realize it until after my mom died & I sold her house & used the money to leave & move 2100 miles away. Life wasnt easy on my new little farm BUT that freedom then learning what I had been dealing with all those 33 years & feeling soooo good in my new place brought my reality to a sound understsnding of why I was continually attempting....& it wasnt to get his attemtion to try & make him change. I wanted out of the life I actually felt trapped in but didnt understand it at the time. Everyone just thought I was overreacting to the loss of my career...the career that I used as an escape from my marriage....& yes, my daughter was still at home & in high school but my desire to get OUT of the marriage was so strong nothing else mattered. Looking back, I felt no REAL emotional connection from either my mom or my H so it didnt matter. I now understand their lack of emotional connection....something else I only came to know & understand a few years ago also....I was living in such a dysfunctional messed up life after my computer engineering career ended....but I didnt understand because it was what I had lived around & hated all my life.

Shoot, I was willing to even let my anorexia that developed from the stress passively kill me.

Havent felt even a little desire to end my life since moving here & finding a happy life which has more than surrounded me now. Gave me interesting insight into my past that no T even helped me discover all those years though my pdoc wouldnt release me from the hospital several times to go back home with my H.

Things in life we dont even understand are going on at the time can cause usto feel our attempts are the LOGICAL solution & thing to do & most T's arent capable of getting us down to the depth it takes to sort out what the REAL cause actuslly is....its VERY COMPLEX.