You're not stupid. You have a disease in your brain. It trips you up.

There's times I don't take meds, or reduce them without the pdoc knowing. Not the best idea, but I know me and at the time the meds were making me climb a wall in anxiety.

Like someone said, get the BP under control. If you're having mood swings, it won't matter if you can focus or not. You're not going to be able to focus anyway.