Quote:
Originally Posted by SS1971
I get you on the going from a safe space to the outside world again .. are you able to have any contact with your T outside of session? Sometimes I text mine just to check in and make sure she is still there and that makes me feel safe again. I have only been seeing a T for a few months myself and some weeks between sessions are harder than others. I think trauma takes a long time to work through .. I have good days/weeks and bad ones too .. talking about it all for the first time is very painful and like opening up a can of worms and I imagine it's extremely painful for you right now but I do believe, from my own trauma, that talking about it does make it easier eventually, but along the way I am sure you will have times it feels harder to talk about than other. What didn't you like about your T saying she was proud of you? Just out of interest? When my T says that and thanks me for sharing it makes me feel a little bit conforted and like she understands how hard some things were to share.
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We haven't discussed communicating outside of therapy. I'm not sure I need to; I trust that she's going to be there when I see her the following week. It's just so hard going from discussing things that are so deeply personal to going back to the "real world" where you have to deal with realistic and logical things, like a meeting for work or what's for dinner that night. I also feel like I just haven't been able to stop thinking about what I shared all week, like it's playing on loop in my mind. I've been more upset this week than I have been in recent months and I just keep trying to hold it together. If this is what it's going to be like each week, I'm not sure I can handle it.
In session, she said that I was really brave to share what I did. I think part of me feels like she has to say that, not that she in
any way sounded disingenuous, but it's her job, you know? I also didn't feel brave. I felt embarrassed that I had waited so long to say something, like I should have known better. If anything, it made me even more angry at myself for not handling this situation in a better, more responsible way. C'est la vie, right?