I think it's understandable that you're struggling with taking the meds to the pharmacy, considering your addiction to them and that you feel they are so effective, but it's harming you. Could you give your meds to your therapist to dispose of?

My lamictal has totally messed with my memory, too. It's so frustrating and very real.

I agree with others. I recommend getting your bipolar under control, putting the stimulant question on the backburner, and then coming back to it when you are stable enough to measure its effects. All this would give you a much better idea regarding the speed of your cycling.

Can you remember how it felt to be stable last time? Like, use the memory to help motivate yourself?

(And also, I did the google search you recommended for the $3 or less seroquel xr. It looked like it was for people without any insurance. Do you have any insurance?)