omfg. cycling again. now the ptsd is poking its fuqqing ugly nose out. damn you grandma. no damn small wonder why i never cried at your funeral. becasue i grew in the final years to fuqqing despise you. thank you for the ptsd. thank you for the beatings every morning. and thank you for teaching me that i was a worthless c0ck$ucker. guess what biatch? i'm worthless. you were right. hope that makes you happy. i hope you're burning in hell if there is one. the wheels have fallen off again. i'm cycling again. flatline and down. sick of it. don't know how much longer i can take it. if i still had a car (fuq you greg geving), i would jump in with cds and make the run to missoula. i'd rent a cheap motel room. and spend several hours in greenough. the ONLY damn nature place that i have ever found that is a coping mechanism. but that's out. i no longer have a car. i hope you're mother died in the hospital asswipe. because between the two of you, you destroyed my life. you caused a year plus of a MAJOR depressive episode. and the ideation is worse than it's ever been. all because of you. because the prick son would not do what he should have. shelia was not my family. it wasn't my job to drive 15 miles out to the valley to get her. then after dark take her home. you damn well knew that i have night blindness. that caused the stress which caused the seizure that caused the wreck. and i totaled my car. now it's gone. my freedom and independence are gone with it. i almost killed myself at least a dozen times over it before i reached out for help. and i'm still not able to deal with the loss to the car. hope you people are happy. i will nver be happy again. because i will never be able to replace that car. ever.