That is so sad. It hurts just to hear that.
It sounds like you have not been connecting to any friends and don't really have any idea why.
I'm no expert on spectrum issues, so I don't know if that is your underlying cause.
Here you and I are having a conversation and connecting. We could easily be sitting together having lunch and being friends.
I've had people like me and dislike me. I usually know what I did or why those dislike me.